So, Iceland is to buy 51 former Woolworths sites – just another confusing development in the ever changing, recession-hit British high street.
And Marks & Spencer is to close 25 smaller food stores after reporting disappointing sales figures.
Prompted by a theory a friend has about the ‘curse of MVC’ (collapsed, then bought by Music Zone, which was then bought by Fopp, which was then bought by HMV), here’s a fictional account of what might happen next:
Iceland buys Woolworths stores. Stores trade well. Marks & Spencer stores are bought by Woolworths2, a new venture funded by Theo Paphitis and Robert Peston. Woolworths2 enjoys a strong start, helped by ’4-for-1′ deals and its credit crunch bouncy castles.
Original Woolworths (now Iceland) continues to see good results, until a campaign against it by Peston and Paphitis – frequently dubbed in the media as two Ps in a pod – who claim the era of frozen food is over. 20 Iceland stores eventually close.
They are bought by M&S. Sir Stuart Rose hails the era of hot food. “A credit crunch will not be beaten without warm bellies,” Rose demands. 19 M&S stores close. Aldi buys them.
Tesco gets nervous. It opens 400 new stores next to each former-M&S-now-Aldi. Woolworths2 senses competition and makes its ’4-for-1′ deals ’4-for-1 plus 2, get one free’, whilst expanding every store by 200sq ft.
All retailers go into administration. Poundland is left standing.
