Nevertheless I have spoken to many likeminded “foody” people about my suspected greengages and the response is, they too have noticed for the first time a glut of fruit on their trees. It is suspected locally that these are greengages. What a taste sensation. They are obviously organic because no chemicals get anywhere near the fruit (apart from car fumes), no blemishes, no infestation, soft skin which is easy to penetrate and loads of sweet juice. It is probably one of the most superb new tastes I have come across in years. So what happened to this fruit? Did it do something wrong? I have not seen it in a supermarket, farm shop or market ever before. While you can buy damsons, they are relatively rare and certainly not always available. Cherries are enjoying a revival but at what cost? Should we all get together and begin a revivalist movement for indigenous English fruits, because boy oh boy we are missing something here big time. I have planted a number of stones to leave some sort of record for future generations of this gift.

Back to last month, thank you to Premier for joining my campaign to make Heinz realise its folly in taking HP off to where tulips grow. I like it – threatened court action if Heinz continues to use the HP name manufacturing in Holland. Good fellows, I say.

Apart from the odd greengage incident, August has been a horrible month and volume has been on the floor.

August did offer some great rock concerts but they were sabotaged by quasi VIPs under the corporate entertainment umbrella. A breed (who did not go away in August) I would politely ask to stay away from such events. Many get pissed, herded to their seats by zealous hosty types in trouser suits with efficient clip boards in their grasp. Some twits in chinos and polo shirts then stand on their seats and refuse to get down, behave like spoilt brats and know nothing about the rules of rock and roll. Rockers are civilised, but I fear this new cult of corporate spectator is set to trash what has been our secret for so long. Do us all a favour, get drunk in the corporate bar with the other chino wearers. Rock on.

While these naturally occurring fats are good for us, the man-made alternative – trans fatty acids (or “trans fats” as they are more commonly known) – are created for food manufacturers so they can process food more cheaply and get it to last longer – and their health benefits are highly debateable.

Though there is a growing bank of evidence to suggest the inclusion of man-made trans fats in our diets has contributed to millions of unnecessary deaths through heart disease, global food manufacturers and government food agencies have remained cautious about communicating the major differences that exist between the ‘good’ and the ‘bad’ varieties.

Those with diets high in the ‘bad’ varieties, which include trans fats and LDL (‘bad’) cholesterol, can experience serious health problems. It is not difficult to research if have a mind to do so. If you are a grocery or food person with an interest in what you eat, you might be alarmed by what you learn.

The food industry developed trans fats to make food processing easier and cheaper. Animal fat, fully hydrogenated vegetable oils and traditional liquid vegetable oils led to significant cost efficiencies. They now dominate the ingredient lists of old favourites from biscuits to pies. Yet how have we allowed manufacturers to slip these hidden deadly ingredients into our food without us noticing?

The answer is simple – lack of information. Please can we have clarity on this issue? I am by no means an expert, and must admit to knowing little about the actual chemistry involved in the production of either trans fats or other modern day food ingredients. It took 30 years for facts to emerge and for consumers to know the truth about cigarettes, and what concerns me here is we could have another disaster in the making.

Please will the good burghers of the food industry start to deliver some easy to understand facts about the hidden ingredients in our food? I, for one, want to know more.

I represent Wholebake, a flapjack and seed bar company which has a small plant in North Wales. It has listings in most supermarkets and health food shops – it’s small stuff but suits us. So on we plod, with Wholebake growing year on year and sometimes making a profit, if we’re lucky.

The name of one of Wholebake’s products is ‘Whopper!’. It’s called Whopper! because it’s quite big and represents tasty, healthy food and excellent value for money. It has no trans-fats or added nasties.

Steve, the boss of Wholebake, is a fully fledged member of Amnesty, a vegan animal lover, and a supporter of almost every peace movement since Vietnam.

A few months ago, a big black car pulled up in the driveway of Wholebake’s North Wales factory. As Steve turned up for work, two big men in black suits, who looked over-fed and grumpy, accosted him and handed him a very large document. Steve is a nice bloke – he thanked them and went into his office. The two heavies sped off back to some metropolis to accost more people with large documents.

The large document revealed Burger King did not want Wholebake to call its flapjack ‘Whopper!’ because consumers may get confused between their hamburgers and Wholebake’s flapjacks. They are so upset they are going to take little Wholebake to court, unless the company stops selling flapjacks called ‘Whopper!’.

When does a healthy flapjack selling about £400,000 per year threaten a hamburger that sells so many I cannot even be bothered to look it up on Google?

Billy Bunter used to tell lies and they were called whoppers – he got a serious beating for his whoppers. I wonder what the burger bogey men will do to us? Any ideas?